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-work is too much for me at the end of the year. Come to thnk of it, I have no room to talk and shouldn't be saying anything about 'homework' in general just one particular class. 20th Century History... it's like no matter how hard I work I can't get a good grade. It's just not fiar. But the thing is, it is not me. Its my teacher, he is the worst at grading the whole world. I have never experienced someone so horrible. I'm so happy we don't have him next semester. Later

I'm sort

of sick. And I'm sort of mad that I decided to come to school but I'm glad I did to so that I could come to this pool party for the little kids after school. The only reason I'm doing it is for credit for a class and some volunteer hours, and I guess to spend some time laughing at Leonard because thats always entertaining. Anyway, I'm in yearbook which is always going to be my favorite class for reasons that I can't explain and only a few that I can. Well, I have to get to work.

I'm in

yearbook class. I love this class. I look forward to it everyday that I have it. I need to get a hold of Mrs. J but I can't because I'm no longer allowed to comment on her blog?
It's a little weird, but thats okay with me. I guess I'll just have to write her a note or e-mail her. I guess I should probably get back to yearbook now. I'll blog later-- if I get the chance because I've got a lot to say....lately.

Just so

anyone that actually reads my dumb blog. I'm done with a lot the petty stuff that I was dealing with just last week. Reasons can be left unknown.

Oh and

if I'm not cheered up tonight I'll be happy by tomorrow because its my birthday. Only one more hour now!

I'm not mad

at her. I'm mad at the fact that they were there. I'm mad at the fact that I let if effect me. I should have kept going. I shouldn't have started crying in my sweat. I shouldn't have been so stupid. Why do I let them get to me. Maybe it's because they're not my true friends and I thought they were and I'm still not over it all, even though I really want to be. It's not totally fair. I just want to be at the next football game because its away and its going to be great, I hope that is. I can't stop hiccuping. I need to finish my homework but I'm too tired. I want to finish this and go to bed. Maybe I'll do a little bit. Maybe, maybe not.

I want

to go eat my food that Mrs. D made put in the front of the room. I'm in my cheer uniform today. I don't really want to because its not totally comfortable. But I'm pulling though. We don't have anything to do in yearbook. I already finished all my work. I really want more to do but theres nothing... I'm going to go eat that food... but I can't bring the music with me. I think I'm going to check Mrs. J's blog while I'm waiting for something to do.

I want

to go to a park with you. I want to sit on a bench and hold hands with you. I want to sit with you in silence. I want to laugh with you until we cry. I want to cry with you until laugh. I want to see you every second of every minute of every hour of everyday. I never want to stop talking with you. I could listen to your voice forever, I never get tired of you. I'm sorry I took you for granted and I would never make that mistake again. I want you to care about whats going on in my life and I want to know and be involved in whats going on in yours. I want to hold you and comfort you. I want to be your vice. I want to be the one you talk to, I want to give you some advice. I want you to know I've changed. I want you to be the only one that understands the real me. I've been hiding myself since and I don't know how to tell anyone but you what I've been through. I have no real friends, only Gods really there for me. I just want to be with you again. I just want to go out to dinner and talk so that maybe you'd understand.

I went

home today basically eyes swollen and wet from crying. I felt so sick all day at school I don't believe I made it though the entire day. Math was the worst. I can't believe I lied down on the ground and just cried because I felt so horrible. If it hadn't been for Mason I probably would have tried to do cheer leading and that would not have been a good thing. I'm going to try to get to my homework but I'm still feeling really really sick. I don't know if I'll even be at school tomorrow if I'm still feeling this horrid.

And also

I realized just about everything I wrote before today is just whining so, I'm happy with my life now so just dont read that. Thanks bye.

I'm eating

some eggs. I know I haven't posted in awhile but basically schools started so I'm getting back into the routines of EVERYTHING I want to do. Like cheerleading for instance which just so happens to be KICKING MY BUTT. I'm moving to Wisconsin with in the year, but I dont know for sure when but I'm hoping that I'll have fun in Iowa while I'm still here. I think I'm going to go see if I can find my American Lit teacher's blogger. I'll write more another day with more time.

I really miss

Branny a lot. I haven't seen her in over a week and a half now and thats uncommon for us considering we're friends and we live about a block away from each other. I'm thinking about paying her a visit tonight.

Like I said

last night. I don't know what to say other than, why wasn't I good enough. Why can you give her a second chance but you don't have enough when it comes to me. Are you growing up? Or did you really just not love me? I want the truth because I'm sick of lies in my life. I'm sick of loosing everyone I trust and hold dear to me. I'm sick of everything thats happening to me.

I never know

what to say by the time I get on blogger. My mind is so blank. I don't know what to do or say. I feel like crying my eyes out. Just crying until I sleep. Crying and hibernating. Thats it.

Today I

wrote a song about Katie Corkery. I didn't finish it, so I think I will in a little bit. I have to go to my sister's dance class, I don't really want to. Also I have to go to my drum lesson so I should probably go and practice my drums. I think I'll go do that now. After I tell you that after my drum lesson I am going to Devon's to help her with her homework and also to watch Disney movies! I'm excited. :)

I don't

believe my life today. I don't want to mention anything other than, my great grandfather died last night.

My friend

Rachel cheers me up everyday at school. I don't think I would like school as much if it weren't for her. She really cheers me up. She makes everyday a better day. I really appreciate her. I think I'm going to write her a note telling her how much I appreciate her existing every day. :)

Tonights show was

fucking awesome, really. xTAKE CONTROLx was playing with a ton of other bands at the boathouse. It was fucking sweet, but some of the people there were not. I did dance and get out on the floor. MOVE, yaknow. I always enjoy being one of the very very very few girls that does it. It's almost rewarding to know that you're kick ass. But, the thing is, when you get hit in the face. I don't quit or make a big deal out of it. There is no fucking reason to because IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU GO IN WHERE EVERYONE'S ARMS AND LEGS ARE FLYING AROUND EVERYWHERE AND PEOPLE ARE JUMP AND JUST HAVING A GOOD TIME. Back up if you don't like it so the people that do like it can enjoy themselves.

At

winky's house. I love her she's so much fun. So I don't want to spend to much time on here!

Tonight

was amazing. Triggerous is a really good band. And people smoke too much at the hub just for your information. I smell so much like smoke it is unbelievable.

I am

feeling so much better than I did yesterday. Compared to yesterday, I feel like I could run a marathon, even though we all know I'm never going to be in the right shape for that. There isn't that much to say about this day... I'm going to the Hub tonight (a local bar), to let a friend borrow a cymbal. He's playing tonight. I think I'll stick around there awhile tonight after all, even though I wasn't planning on it. My eye hurts. I think I'm going to stop typing about now.

I guess

I'm going to type up a little blog right about now. I don't quite know what about yet because I just started thinking about it. I guess I'll start by saying I just got to Devon's and I found a random wireless internet that I haven't ever found over here on my lap top before so Devon should real excited later on when she finds out she doesn't have to use her computer, she can just use mine. Also I'm still not feeling to well, which is really getting me down because I like feeling well. On top of the fact that it's close to the end of school and not about the time I want to get sick. I'm starting to think that maybe since I can't get to sleep (since I slept all day), I should get working on my Science paper more. I started it a little. I have... a little more than nothing and my notes. I find myself funny when I'm in these situations. But I also need to fix my now proof-read rough draft of my first chapter of my autobiography for intro class and my portfolio. School ends in so few days I can barely wait. Two weeks from tomorrow. Almost scary to think about. When I think about how I though that maybe I would hate this school and how much I actually ended up loving it. I think about, how much it helped me, and changed me. I really want to finish out high school here. I hope a can, but there's always Illinois breathing down my neck. Sometimes I like that job of my dads, other times....

I have

decided to start up again with my blogger. I got so caught up with xanga. And now twitter, I completely forgot. I'm supposed to be getting ready to go to Devon's house for pretty much the rest of the week right now and I don't know why, but I really don't feel like going. It's nothing against Devon or her family. I just feel really sick and I remember last time I was away from my family and I didn't feel well I was a mess. I don't want that to happen again because that wasn't pleasant. I also don't want to disappoint Devon if she has been looking forward to me coming over and spending the night for a couple nights. I'll probably just spend the days and nights in bed. Because I just cannot handle anything right now. I guess I should probably get packed. It's not like they'll stay home just because I'm not feeling well. And I have to go to school tomorrow. And I have to bring Zach my china cymbal. I have to remember all that. The hub 6 oclock. >.< Okay. I think this is the end of my first blog since September. I think I'm going to take my lappytop to Devon's even though she doesn't have internet, mostly because I want it at school tomorrow, haha. And I also need it to work on my autobiography and on my Science paper. I'm off.