Like I said

last night. I don't know what to say other than, why wasn't I good enough. Why can you give her a second chance but you don't have enough when it comes to me. Are you growing up? Or did you really just not love me? I want the truth because I'm sick of lies in my life. I'm sick of loosing everyone I trust and hold dear to me. I'm sick of everything thats happening to me.

I never know

what to say by the time I get on blogger. My mind is so blank. I don't know what to do or say. I feel like crying my eyes out. Just crying until I sleep. Crying and hibernating. Thats it.

Today I

wrote a song about Katie Corkery. I didn't finish it, so I think I will in a little bit. I have to go to my sister's dance class, I don't really want to. Also I have to go to my drum lesson so I should probably go and practice my drums. I think I'll go do that now. After I tell you that after my drum lesson I am going to Devon's to help her with her homework and also to watch Disney movies! I'm excited. :)

I don't

believe my life today. I don't want to mention anything other than, my great grandfather died last night.

My friend

Rachel cheers me up everyday at school. I don't think I would like school as much if it weren't for her. She really cheers me up. She makes everyday a better day. I really appreciate her. I think I'm going to write her a note telling her how much I appreciate her existing every day. :)

Tonights show was

fucking awesome, really. xTAKE CONTROLx was playing with a ton of other bands at the boathouse. It was fucking sweet, but some of the people there were not. I did dance and get out on the floor. MOVE, yaknow. I always enjoy being one of the very very very few girls that does it. It's almost rewarding to know that you're kick ass. But, the thing is, when you get hit in the face. I don't quit or make a big deal out of it. There is no fucking reason to because IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU GO IN WHERE EVERYONE'S ARMS AND LEGS ARE FLYING AROUND EVERYWHERE AND PEOPLE ARE JUMP AND JUST HAVING A GOOD TIME. Back up if you don't like it so the people that do like it can enjoy themselves.

At

winky's house. I love her she's so much fun. So I don't want to spend to much time on here!

Tonight

was amazing. Triggerous is a really good band. And people smoke too much at the hub just for your information. I smell so much like smoke it is unbelievable.

I am

feeling so much better than I did yesterday. Compared to yesterday, I feel like I could run a marathon, even though we all know I'm never going to be in the right shape for that. There isn't that much to say about this day... I'm going to the Hub tonight (a local bar), to let a friend borrow a cymbal. He's playing tonight. I think I'll stick around there awhile tonight after all, even though I wasn't planning on it. My eye hurts. I think I'm going to stop typing about now.

I guess

I'm going to type up a little blog right about now. I don't quite know what about yet because I just started thinking about it. I guess I'll start by saying I just got to Devon's and I found a random wireless internet that I haven't ever found over here on my lap top before so Devon should real excited later on when she finds out she doesn't have to use her computer, she can just use mine. Also I'm still not feeling to well, which is really getting me down because I like feeling well. On top of the fact that it's close to the end of school and not about the time I want to get sick. I'm starting to think that maybe since I can't get to sleep (since I slept all day), I should get working on my Science paper more. I started it a little. I have... a little more than nothing and my notes. I find myself funny when I'm in these situations. But I also need to fix my now proof-read rough draft of my first chapter of my autobiography for intro class and my portfolio. School ends in so few days I can barely wait. Two weeks from tomorrow. Almost scary to think about. When I think about how I though that maybe I would hate this school and how much I actually ended up loving it. I think about, how much it helped me, and changed me. I really want to finish out high school here. I hope a can, but there's always Illinois breathing down my neck. Sometimes I like that job of my dads, other times....

I have

decided to start up again with my blogger. I got so caught up with xanga. And now twitter, I completely forgot. I'm supposed to be getting ready to go to Devon's house for pretty much the rest of the week right now and I don't know why, but I really don't feel like going. It's nothing against Devon or her family. I just feel really sick and I remember last time I was away from my family and I didn't feel well I was a mess. I don't want that to happen again because that wasn't pleasant. I also don't want to disappoint Devon if she has been looking forward to me coming over and spending the night for a couple nights. I'll probably just spend the days and nights in bed. Because I just cannot handle anything right now. I guess I should probably get packed. It's not like they'll stay home just because I'm not feeling well. And I have to go to school tomorrow. And I have to bring Zach my china cymbal. I have to remember all that. The hub 6 oclock. >.< Okay. I think this is the end of my first blog since September. I think I'm going to take my lappytop to Devon's even though she doesn't have internet, mostly because I want it at school tomorrow, haha. And I also need it to work on my autobiography and on my Science paper. I'm off.