Oh and

if I'm not cheered up tonight I'll be happy by tomorrow because its my birthday. Only one more hour now!

I'm not mad

at her. I'm mad at the fact that they were there. I'm mad at the fact that I let if effect me. I should have kept going. I shouldn't have started crying in my sweat. I shouldn't have been so stupid. Why do I let them get to me. Maybe it's because they're not my true friends and I thought they were and I'm still not over it all, even though I really want to be. It's not totally fair. I just want to be at the next football game because its away and its going to be great, I hope that is. I can't stop hiccuping. I need to finish my homework but I'm too tired. I want to finish this and go to bed. Maybe I'll do a little bit. Maybe, maybe not.

I want

to go eat my food that Mrs. D made put in the front of the room. I'm in my cheer uniform today. I don't really want to because its not totally comfortable. But I'm pulling though. We don't have anything to do in yearbook. I already finished all my work. I really want more to do but theres nothing... I'm going to go eat that food... but I can't bring the music with me. I think I'm going to check Mrs. J's blog while I'm waiting for something to do.

I want

to go to a park with you. I want to sit on a bench and hold hands with you. I want to sit with you in silence. I want to laugh with you until we cry. I want to cry with you until laugh. I want to see you every second of every minute of every hour of everyday. I never want to stop talking with you. I could listen to your voice forever, I never get tired of you. I'm sorry I took you for granted and I would never make that mistake again. I want you to care about whats going on in my life and I want to know and be involved in whats going on in yours. I want to hold you and comfort you. I want to be your vice. I want to be the one you talk to, I want to give you some advice. I want you to know I've changed. I want you to be the only one that understands the real me. I've been hiding myself since and I don't know how to tell anyone but you what I've been through. I have no real friends, only Gods really there for me. I just want to be with you again. I just want to go out to dinner and talk so that maybe you'd understand.

I went

home today basically eyes swollen and wet from crying. I felt so sick all day at school I don't believe I made it though the entire day. Math was the worst. I can't believe I lied down on the ground and just cried because I felt so horrible. If it hadn't been for Mason I probably would have tried to do cheer leading and that would not have been a good thing. I'm going to try to get to my homework but I'm still feeling really really sick. I don't know if I'll even be at school tomorrow if I'm still feeling this horrid.

And also

I realized just about everything I wrote before today is just whining so, I'm happy with my life now so just dont read that. Thanks bye.

I'm eating

some eggs. I know I haven't posted in awhile but basically schools started so I'm getting back into the routines of EVERYTHING I want to do. Like cheerleading for instance which just so happens to be KICKING MY BUTT. I'm moving to Wisconsin with in the year, but I dont know for sure when but I'm hoping that I'll have fun in Iowa while I'm still here. I think I'm going to go see if I can find my American Lit teacher's blogger. I'll write more another day with more time.