After

today I've pretty much decided that I have no clue what to do. I want distance but I want to feel close. I want you to shut up but I just can't stop listening to that voice...those words. I simply just want an easy way to forget everything but I dont want to start over, I could never get rid of my past. I want to go two different ways and my body doesn't want to divide. I think I could debate for days on what I would acutally do and never come up with an answer. I want to experence more drugs but I dont want to mess myself up. I want to do better in school but I dont want to have to work hard. Its different for everyone. I just so happen to deal with a million different ones. Now; like I said, everyone is different so you could be dealing with them too; maybe even more so than me. I wish I knew what to call them. Wants. I just dont understand wants. I want to be best friends with an athiest but I want to become a better christian. I want to be friends with my parents but I want to rebel. I want to keep old freinds but I want new ones. I can't have everything that I want. And its not so easy to just sit back and not enjoy things because yr trying to decide what you want. I know what this is just writeing on the internet in a blog but it really means something.